22.5.08

alchemist

i've never worked so many hours in my entire life. ...no, that's not true... i've never worked so many hours at a single endeavor in my entire life, especially when i don't feel particularly moved by or beholden to said event. and i am left with very little time to organize my thoughts, to sift them and mark opinions from input. i love immense input. it convinces me of being on the verge of a very great perspective shift. i hate immense input. it frustrates me as i remain as i am when i neglect reflection. i desire steps. an alchemy of the psyche, of philosophy. distilling the thoughts and research and experiences and emotions to leave the residue of opinions and truth and wisdom.
i cannot. and instead: deplore what i make no efforts to change, change what i should not touch, attend what is not important, ignore what i prize, and blame where i should rather strive for only One satisfaction matters.
one thing Lord, to dwell in Your house for wisdom i desire ...and the second, not to miss where i am for where i want to be nor to miss where i ought to go for where i am.

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